Explaining the Term "African American" to My Kids - Easier Said than Done

Some of you may know that I homeschool my kids. I have my various reasons for doing it, but one of the side-effects of having homeschooled children is that they think you know everything!  One day I was doing Art class with my 6 year old, and we were going over the works of an African American artist.  As soon as I said he was "African American" I could see that there was going to be a question as soon as I stopped talking.

I really didn't want to stop talking.

Eventually I had to stop, and he asked, "Mommy, what is an African-American?" You would think that is an easy enough question to answer, right?  I had no clue what to say.  I am college educated, well traveled, reasonably intelligent... why was answering this so hard?

Here's how our Q&A session went.

6 y/o: Mommy, what is an African American?

Me: Well, um.

6 y/o: *waiting*

Me: See, a long time ago, people who looked alike pretty much all lived on the same continents.  People who looked like us, who were brown like us with hair like us, didn't live here in North America, we lived in Africa - over here. *pointing to Africa on the map*

6 y/o: We did? You mean like our FAMILY?

Me: Well, sort of - no one you know. Anyway, back then, people came from here *pointing to Europe* then to here *pointing to Africa* to find people to work... um... for free.

6 y/o: For FREE?!? NOBODY works for FREE!

Me: They got sold by other people, got put on a boat, and they shipped them here and here *pointing to the Caribbean and America* to work. They worked for a very long time as slaves...

6 y/o: SLAVES?!

Me: Yes, slaves. They didn't get paid, and they worked very hard.  Sounds wrong doesn't it?

6 y/o: Yeah... *looks sad, but still interested*

Me: A lot of other people thought it was wrong too, so eventually laws were passed that allowed the slaves to be free to work, and get paid to do it.

6 y/o: So grandma was a slave?

Me: No not grandma.

6 y/o: Sissy was a slave?

Me: No, not Sissy.

6 y/o: Was ANYBODY that we KNOW a slave? Do we know ANYBODY in Africa? Family members, ANYBODY? *looking frustrated*

Me: No. We don't know any.  It was like hundreds of years ago.

6 y/o: So they are all dead.

Me: Yep. Now people who look like us, and people of all races and religions live all over the place because we are free and can travel, live, and work, just about anywhere in the world.  *figured it was all over, went back to clicking on the lesson*

6 y/o: Aren't grandma and grandpa from Trinidad? And our cousins and aunts and uncles and stuff...?

Me: Yep.

6 y/o: I don't think I am an African American. I think I am just a plain American. I was born here in America. I don't even KNOW anybody in Africa. I think I am what Grandma is, but I wasn't born in Trinidad, right?

I didn't argue with him.  I just moved on with the lesson, and hoped the 5 y/o didn't hear any of this so that she could come up with questions of her own. I was wondering, long after we had moved on to Science, how I could have answered that better? He is very connected to his Trinidadian roots, and recognizes that most of his family on my side lives in Trinidad, St. Vincent, Australia, and England.  I couldn't argue with him - he didn't know anyone in Africa.  He just couldn't understand HOW he could be an African American.  It just didn't make sense.  I couldn't blame him for not accepting the label.  How could I explain to him the painful past that made that name even exist?  The only president he has ever known is black, we live in an area where blacks do very well, and he is exposed to many different types of families and cultures.

*After Science*

6 y/o: Mommy, was there a God way back when there were slaves?

Me: Yep.

6 y/o: I was just wondering because being a slave doesn't seem right at all.  Seems evil.

Me: You are right. You ready for lunch?

What would you have said? Have you been faced with similar situations? With people of Caribbean descent often being of several different races, looking in the mirror doesn't necessarily tell us where we belong.  I totally understand how people wanted to have a box to check on the American Census that included Caribbean, but how? So many boxes would have to be added! Chinese and Indian. Indian and Black. Black and Chinese. Chinese and Arawak. Black with French as First Language. All of the above. Where would it end?

As a parent, I want my kids to have a sense of their history, and I try to share it with them often - as far back as I am sure of.  Is identity important?