Caribbean Parenting Month: Discipline vs. Abuse

I remember spankings, or as we called them, beatings.

Those who cyan hear, will feel.

It wasn't until I was older that I realized what the American word, "beating" really meant. For Americans, it brings up images of the civil rights movement, women with black eyes, and children with broken arms.  For me, it was just a spanking.  No bruises, no extension cords, just a physical reminder that whatever I was doing, or did, was not to be repeated.

We laugh about it now, but back then, I did what all kids fresh off of a spanking did - secretly prayed that one or both of my parents would be run over by elephants. True story.

I won't go into all the insanity that we did to earn those beatings spankings, but when I think back on them, I don't feel hurt or abused. It was what it was.  I had friends who never ever got spankings.  I'm pretty sure they turned out alright too.

My mom, the same mom who could fling a pot spoon or slipper like a ninja, told a newish Caribbean mom who asked her when the beatings should start, responded that "for some children, they never do."  I'm not sure if that was the pediatrician, the enlightened parent, or the softer gentler grandparent talking, but it really is true.  Each child is different. Each parent is different.

I tiyahd talkin' to alyuh.

I talk to my kids a lot more than my parents talked to me when it comes to discipline. I think so much so that sometimes they'd rather get a spanking and get it over with.  My mom sits, watches, and smiles.  Truth is, times have changed.  I spent a ton of time outside, running, jumping, making mischief, and tearing up things.  Today's kids can be calmed with an iPad.  I had very little TV, five channels including two public television stations (then eventually FOX came along), so I had plenty of time to come up with beating spanking-worthy crimes to commit.

At the end of the day, we all want the same thing - respectful, honest, decent children. That's all we want.

I keep my opinions on spanking to myself for the most part, because if you are here - you obviously care about your children and your family. From time to time I check to see what search terms people type into Google to find me.  Usually it is "Disney World Packing List", "Homeschool vs. Traditional School", or "Caribbean Culture for Kids" - so you are here for the extras, not the just basics. Loving, concerned parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, stop by here for information that is for the enrichment of their family lives.  Now do parents who profess to love their kids abuse them? I am sure it happens.

Image Credit: Target.com OXO wooden spoon

These days, our children of privilege are learning that you can't always get everything you want, despite what you have been told - and without discipline, respect for authority, and common decency, you won't even come close.

Bottom line, you don't need me to tell you what's right or wrong when it comes to how you discipline your children. Get to know your kid, establish the parenting style that fits the atmosphere and values in your home, and then go with it. Whatever you decide to do when it comes to discipline - please, do something. Just the other day, I saw a teenage girl yelling at her grandfather as he walked behind her.  It wasn't until I made eye contact with him that he said something to her about how she was speaking to him, but by then the damage was done.  He was already ashamed for himself and for her.  I know he wished he or the girl's parents had done something earlier.

(A lighthearted look at immigrant families and discipline from Russell Peters - headphones may be necessary if kids are in the room)

Do you think that spanking is an outdated method of parenting in the Caribbean community?  Do you question the efficacy of physical forms of punishment?  Have you adopted more "American" ways of discipline when your children are out of line?  Do you feel the shift from Caribbean parenting to Caribbean American parenting is producing a generation with a lower level of respect or children with a kinder approach to relationships?

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Caribbean Alphabet Coloring Pages: C is for Cou-Cou

C isn't JUST for "cookie" anymore! Cou-cou (together with flying fish) is Barbados' national dish - pair this coloring page with a Barbados flag page for a full lesson: Barbados

Here's a the new coloring sheet to download: C is for Cou-cou

When I was growing up, my mom made cou-cou from time to time.  Since she is here, I may ask her to make it so that the kids can taste it!  Do you have a recipe that you use to make it?  What do you call it - cou-cou, coo-coo, fungi, fengi, or fungie?

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Caribbean Alphabet Coloring Pages: M is for Me

These two coloring pages let your child share a little about themselves.

Whether they are from the Caribbean, America, Canada - anywhere - this activity sheet will get them thinking and talking about who they are.  You can print out two copies and do one yourself along with your child!  They always love to see if you have any crayon skills.

The pages include a space for a self portrait, and fill in the blank sentences. Pair this activity with a "My Family in Flags" coloring page, and make it a fun discussion about your family heritage.

M is for Me (Boy) (100.03 kB)

M is for Me (Girl) (113 kB)

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Caribbean Alphabet Coloring Pages: B is for Bammy

Click here to download -  B is for Bammy

Each day, we will present a new alphabet coloring sheet in honor of Caribbean parenting month!  Today's letter of the day is B.

Have your children eaten bammy?  This coloring sheet presents 5 quick facts about bammy, a space for handwriting practice, a large capital letter "B" to color, and an image of bammy to color as well.

Do you have a favorite brand or a recipe for bammy that you would like to share?  Please do so in the comments, we would love to hear from you!

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Caribbean Alphabet Coloring Pages: A is for Ani

Each day, we will present a new alphabet coloring sheet in honor of Caribbean parenting month! Today's letter of the day is "A".

The Ani is a black bird found in Central America and the Caribbean (as well as parts of Texas and Florida).  There are three types - smooth billed, groove billed, and greater.  This coloring sheet includes a large A for coloring, an image of the Ani, four facts about the Ani, and handwriting practice.

Have your children ever seen or heard an Ani?  Where?

Click here to download: A is for Ani

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Profiles in Caribbean Parenting: Chris De La Rosa of CaribbeanPot.com (Part 2)

Today we continue chatting with Chris De La Rosa of CaribbeanPot.com. Yesterday, we learned about how Chris began blogging, his daughters, and how he keeps them connected to Caribbean culture.  Now it is time for the stuff you've been waiting for.  Chris talks to us about tradition, race, discipline, and more. Leh we go!

(If you missed it, check out part one here.)

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Socamom: Right now, at our house, the major reminder that my kids have of their Caribbean roots is Grandma in the kitchen! What are some of the day to day influences that remind you and your children of your Caribbean roots?

Chris: Again, food plays a huge part. So top of my head would be the scents they wake up to on the weekend or the one which greets them after school. Music, be it soca, parang, zouk or reggae they are surrounded by the pulsating vibes from the Caribbean in the house and car. And as you move from room to room it our home, you’re engaged by a figurine, carving or picture on the wall, which not only signifies the Caribbean, but there’s usually a story behind it. [Such as] where in the Caribbean we purchased it, if a visiting relative brought it for us or not and in the case of the collection of miniature Caribbean type houses we have..  one is a parlour (corner store), something they know my mom (their grandma) had as a business when I was a kid on the islands.

The digital frame in the main family room is always on displaying pictures from our trips.. the latest being 2013 Trinidad Carnival.

Chris De La Rosa and his daughters at Carnival - Photo Credit: Chris De La Rosa

Socamom: What are some of the Caribbean traditions that you miss the most that you would like to share with your children?

Christmas... you’ve not experience[d] Christmas until you awake Christmas morning in the Caribbean. The overall joyful spirit, the aromas and the waves of family and friends visiting and making your way from house to house with the captivating sounds of parang as your guide.

Socamom: Christmas is definitely one of my favorite memories of visiting Trinidad when I was a teenager.  What are some of your kids' favorite things about being from the Caribbean?

Chris: At their age, it’s always nice to see the pride in them when they find out a celebrity is from the Caribbean..  Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, even the guy from “Lost”, Henry Ian Cusick, who went to school in Trinidad as a youth. I guess the new one causing a stir would be Trinidad James?

With their first Carnival under their belts, they have a new appreciation for Machel, Bunji, Patrice and Blaxx. If only I can get them to listen to some Kitch, Rudder and Sparrow.

I’m a huge Phase II fan, so steel pan is starting to rub off on them too.

They will always get excited for the food of the Caribbean, especially Trinidad and Tobago and when it’s grandmas cooking. I’m forced to take the back seat when she’s visiting. When we travel we always book the family suite with the kitchen so I can make them “home” food, as they scream for Caribbean flavours after 3 days of resort or hotel food. The funniest thing for them was buying ‘stewed chicken’ (Trinbago style) at a Chinese restaurant in St Maarten a few years back.

Back when they just started school, I recall my parents would always bring school supplies for them from Trinidad. Like, West Indian Readers, the iconic alphabet chart and even things as obscure as the exercise books [copy book]. And now that they’re grown, they look back with excitement when we speak about those things.

Socamom: What are some Caribbean sayings that you find yourself using with your children that you heard growing up? Feel free to use patois, but include translations.

Chris: “Waste Not Want Not”... I always thought our mom coined this phrase.  I grew up in a home where wasting was not an option and I try to pass that on to our girls. From my days working in the catering industry to everyday Canadian life, I see too much wasting and it drives me crazy.

Socamom: Do you think you would be a different parent if you were raising your children in the Caribbean versus Canada? What would you do differently?

Chris: My wife is Canadian, so her parenting techniques, which I assume she adopted from her parents, are different to the “West Indian” way. I’ll be honest and say it’s been a struggle to find a balance where both parents are happy with the direction of parenting. I see Canadian kids having a lot of freedom to express themselves, but a lot of that freedom is misguided. We’re lucky that we’ve got the same set of values, so we’ve had a good base to work from.  We became parents in our teenage years, but it’s been 20+ years and we’re still going strong.

Chris De La Rosa and his wife at Carnival - Photo Credit: Chris De La Rosa

Chris: I’ll say this... mixed race and mixed culture, and you add religion to the mix and you’ll have a lifetime of learning, compromising and appreciation.

If our daughters were raised in the Caribbean there would definitely be a different approach to discipline, taking ownership of one’s actions and punishment.

Socamom: Describe the kind of children that you hope that your unique mix of parenting styles will create.

Chris: We already see traits of this in our eldest daughter, Kieana. She’s very kind, giving and has that true ‘welcoming’ Caribbean spirit. Though we may be known as the life of the party and have a relaxed demeanor, in reality you won’t find a more hard-working people and I see this in all 3 of our girls (they’re coming out of the lazy teenage years).

Socamom: Have the uniquely Caribbean aspects of your own upbringing made you a better parent? How?

Chris: Definitely. I have a better appreciation for “family” as a cohesive unit, where we stand together to overcome all obstacles. We’re known as a people who are welcoming and giving in the Caribbean and if you were to poll any of our daughters friends, they would tell you that our home is very comforting to them and they enjoy our company. Not as friends, but as parents they can rely on.

Socamom: What advice do you have for parents who want to connect their children with Caribbean culture?

Chris: Don’t force anything onto your children. Let them see you read the Caribbean literature, let them hear you listening to the music or social commentary, watch the cultural videos when you know they’re within reach and have that wonderful Caribbean bouquet of flavors in all its vibrant glory in your kitchen. The rest will follow.  Subtle things like artwork on your walls will also help them relate to a culture they may be currently detached from.

When our girls were younger I would take them to the library and just about every weekend we would go to the book stores to get reading material for them. It drove me crazy when I never saw them read and as I look at the bottom shelf of my library I can see books which were probably never opened. The fact remains.. they never saw me with a book in hand reading. What type of example was I setting for them?  Children are master copy-cats!

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(If you missed it, check out part one of our chat with Chris De La Rosa - click here.)

Don't forget to check out the website, CaribbeanPot.com.

Social Media: @obzokee on Twitter | Facebook | YouTube

About Chris:

Chris De La Rosa’s love of Caribbean cooking has taken him from a small village in Trinidad and Tobago to millions of kitchens around the world, thanks to his website CaribbeanPot.com. Launched in 2009 as a place for the self-taught chef to share his favourite Caribbean dishes and document family recipes for his daughters, the site, which has more than 385,000 page views a month, has grown to include a Facebook page of 27,000 fans, a newsletter with 24,000 subscribers and a Youtube channel that has amassed about 4.6 million views.

From the time Chris was just five-years-old, he was already comfortable in the kitchen, thanks to his mother’s insistence that he partake in daily chores such as picking fresh herbs from the family garden. Gathering cooking tips from other family members along the way, Chris was well equipped, by the time he moved to Canada in 1989, to fend for himself among the pots and pans. Not limited to Caribbean cooking, Chris also mastered North American fare such as barbecue. However, his heart belonged to the Caribbean recipes on which he was raised.

Click here to read Chris De La Rosa's FULL BIO.

Website: http://caribbeanpot.com/

Book: http://caribbeanpot.com/book/

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Download the Caribbean Parenting Month Press Release here:  Caribbean American Blogger, Eva Greene-Wilson Kicks off Caribbean Parenting Month, April 2013 (99.71 kB)

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April is Caribbean Parenting Month!

I can't believe it is April already!  At the start of the year, I told you guys that 2013 on SocaMom.com was going to be a lot of fun.  We are now officially two years old and counting, and the blog has been pretty quiet in preparation for the anniversary of our official launch during Caribbean American Heritage Month in June.

We chose to designate April as Caribbean Parenting Month (Download the press release here:  Caribbean American Blogger, Eva Greene-Wilson Kicks off Caribbean Parenting Month, April 2013).

For this, the inaugural celebration, we will be highlighting Caribbean American families through profiles, articles, interviews, discussions, and family friendly events.  The achievements, innovation, and creativity that Caribbean people have contributed to their adopted countries all over the world that stems from a distinct style of parenting, Caribbean parenting, should be celebrated.  In the years since I established the SocaMom community of Caribbean parents, it has proven to be a resource for parents raising their children outside of the Caribbean who want to keep them connected to Caribbean culture.

SocaMom.com has a diverse following of parents and Caribbean culture enthusiasts from all over the world.  Many people who are not of Caribbean descent did not know about the unique aspects of Caribbean parenting, until they became readers of SocaMom.com. They are intrigued by the differences, and entertained by the often humorous similarities to their own households.  We have readers from the Midwest to the Middle East!

Each day in April, new resources will be added to SocaMom.com for our readers in honor of Caribbean Parenting Month.  We will be presenting new and interactive ways for our readers and members of the SocaMom community to get involved.

So how can you participate?  You can be a guest blogger, be a featured Caribbean family, invite friends to join you on Facebook, and more.  Subscribe to SocaMom.com updates to see how we are celebrating daily.

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Teachable Moment: Drool, Guitar Strings, and Forgiveness

It started with some drool.

Mr. Social could do no wrong with his big brother when he arrived.  He was perfect.  No amount of crying or pooping was a problem.  Then it happened.  He was holding him one day, and some drool got loose.  That was the first time we heard him tell Mr. Social not to do something.  As he wiped his hand off in slight disgust, I could see that was the beginning of the end of their perfect relationship.

Now that they share a room, there has been a whole lot of times that my Big One has had to tell my little one to stop doing something, not to touch something, or to just leave his stuff alone. Today was no different.

My teen teeters between being a kid and being a teenager. When the little one starts to beg for something, sometimes his teenager shows up, he feels empathetic, and he gives in.

So today, all the kids were trying to impress Grandma with their musical genius. There's no shortage of instruments in our house, so she really did get a full concert.  The kids are really competitive, and Mr. Social wasn't content with playing his steel pan for Grandma.  He needed more.  Long story a little shorter, Mr. Social one broke the Big One's guitar string, trying to play it with his pan sticks. The big one had already told him that he couldn't play it, but he insisted... resorting to begging, then whining.  The Big One gave in.  Mr. Social apologized through his tears.  He had to give up $3 of his own money to fix it, since he wasn't playing it properly.  Mr. Social really likes his money, so he was pretty upset.

"It's okay..." said the Big One. It wasn't okay though.  Not to me.  Probably not to the Big One either.  Even though he had pretty much forgiven him even before he apologized, there had to be consequences.

At times Mr. Social would break the Big One's things, we would kind of let it go, because if we went all crazy every time it happened, it would just be a constant one way stream of punishment - especially since it was so rare for the Big One to break something belonging to Mr. Social.

Being a big brother, sometimes, the Big One feels like he can't win. Because of that, every now and then, I deliver that sweet, swift justice on behalf of the Big One.  Within 15 minutes, we were on our way to the music store.  On the way, I told Mr. Social that he has to treat other people's things even more carefully than he treats his own, and that if he was going to beg the Big One to use his things, he would have to be responsible when he got them. I decided to sit in the car and let them go in the store and handle their business.

"Sorry," whispered Mr. Social on the way home. He really meant it. I could tell because he didn't mean for me to hear it.

"Apology accepted," the Big One whispered back. He meant it.  I could tell because he didn't answer back loudly to embarrass him.  He answered in the same tone of voice showing that it was something genuine and personal between the two of them.

That ability to apologize and forgive each other, and to treat each other's property with respect will serve them well in their relationship with one another, as well as people they interact with in the future. Now that Mr. Social understands consequences - I spend a lot of time instilling those values.

How do you teach your little ones to respect other people's property? Do you show them how to treat library books, or do you teach them to cover their school books? What is your method? What teachable moments have you used to teach values to your children?

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